We are talking about choices and how when you are needy your choices get taken away. People say beggars can't be choosers.
Suzette: So you are saying I cant give you anything?
Laurie: No but I am saying that you may want to give me a case of mac and cheese and my kids won't eat it. So when I am in a place of “need” which many of us are in this economy. It is hard to feel like I have a choice in what is given me. Some times food banks just give you a box of food and if it isn't what your family will eat, do you take it or say no thanks? Now some food banks are set up to let you have choices and actually shop for what your family can eat.
So sometimes even though you are grateful it is frustrating because you feel you have no choice. I have been given clothes and couches that have been dirty and stinky. I feel I have to accept because I am needy and what will people think.. so now I have to pay to get rid of them because, beggars cant be choosers.
Suzette: What about the givers perspective? They think you are ungrateful.
Laurie: What does the giver want?
Laurie: Who is that about?
Some times we give with strings attached and then say beggars can't be choosers.
Suzette: Is wrong to give and expect gratitude?
Laurie: That becomes your motive. You give to see the response. The happy faces. People who donate to Christmas programs want to see the child receive the gift, that is why some charities resist a “parents do the shopping” program. Because they want to see their happy face of those receiving the gifts. I know you are playing the devil's advocate here.
Suzette: It takes a mature person to give with out expectations. I think of a parent giving to their child.
Laurie: That is different, than when it is for the needy. Yes they are grateful but they feel shame, they would rather be the giver than the getter. What if they don't need it and pass it on, will you be offended. Now the needy person has requirements to fulfill because they accepted help. I have thought you know I don't really need the couch.. I can live with out it.
When you are needy you go into survival mode. And to have your choices taken away on top of that is very difficult. An alternative school principal spoke about the need to have choices. Just one choice, is no choice at all. Two is either or and you still feel trapped. But offer a third choice and then you have freedom. Which offers power, life and hope.
Suzette and I (Laurie) are sitting outside on a beautiful day, you can hear the mower in the background and Suzette's dog Rex is sitting by us. Today we are talking about a new option for coaching called Conference Coaching. If you have considered coaching but are concerned about the cost this is a great way to go. The benefits include affordability convenience, identifying with others dealing with the same issues and struggles. Another huge plus is that you get two coaches. It is a great way for first time coachees to get involved in coaching. Besides learning from others you have the luxury of being on the conference call from the convenience of your home, office, car, or where ever you happen to be during the time of the call. It provides a safe place for you to voice what you are going through, and you can remain anonymous if that is better for you. The call provides a great community and a great opportunity if you are nervous about sharing in front of others. the act of verbalizing, dreaming out loud. The act of speaking your dreams and fears can help you move forward. We have activities, assignments, individual action steps to help you get "unstuck". Some topics for conference coaching are family coaching, relationship coaching, graduating seniors, college, changing your major, career changes, being new in a community making connections, leadership, empty nest, mom's going back to work and if you have a dream: putting action to your dreams. On the call you will be encouraged, inspired, held accountable in a positive way and supported. Check out our Conference Coaching page and register for a class. We hope to meet you soon.
Suzette / Laurie