Suzette: So you are saying I cant give you anything?
Laurie: No but I am saying that you may want to give me a case of mac and cheese and my kids won't eat it. So when I am in a place of “need” which many of us are in this economy. It is hard to feel like I have a choice in what is given me. Some times food banks just give you a box of food and if it isn't what your family will eat, do you take it or say no thanks? Now some food banks are set up to let you have choices and actually shop for what your family can eat.
So sometimes even though you are grateful it is frustrating because you feel you have no choice. I have been given clothes and couches that have been dirty and stinky. I feel I have to accept because I am needy and what will people think.. so now I have to pay to get rid of them because, beggars cant be choosers.
Suzette: What about the givers perspective? They think you are ungrateful.
Laurie: What does the giver want?
Laurie: Who is that about?
Some times we give with strings attached and then say beggars can't be choosers.
Suzette: Is wrong to give and expect gratitude?
Laurie: That becomes your motive. You give to see the response. The happy faces. People who donate to Christmas programs want to see the child receive the gift, that is why some charities resist a “parents do the shopping” program. Because they want to see their happy face of those receiving the gifts. I know you are playing the devil's advocate here.
Suzette: It takes a mature person to give with out expectations. I think of a parent giving to their child.
Laurie: That is different, than when it is for the needy. Yes they are grateful but they feel shame, they would rather be the giver than the getter. What if they don't need it and pass it on, will you be offended. Now the needy person has requirements to fulfill because they accepted help. I have thought you know I don't really need the couch.. I can live with out it.
When you are needy you go into survival mode. And to have your choices taken away on top of that is very difficult. An alternative school principal spoke about the need to have choices. Just one choice, is no choice at all. Two is either or and you still feel trapped. But offer a third choice and then you have freedom. Which offers power, life and hope.